Pfizer: New Pill Cures Introverts

I wish this was a typo by a web designer.

Since it’s not, here are the problems I have with it:

1.) Introversion is already a term widely (often loosely) used for something else, and has been for almost a hundred years. It’s not a Disorder. And it has nothing to do with how “socially-aggressive and indiscriminately friendly” you appear to be in public.

2.) The criteria listed are an extreme generalization for something that doesn’t really exist, like the “War On Terror.” This text is turning people who are dominantly Introspective into The Boogeyman. Who wrote this stuff? I feel like I’m back in high school, being mocked by athletes.

3.) Agenda? This is probably motivated by a pharmaceutical company that will soon announce a Wonder Drug that will “cure your Introverted child.” Taking the conspiracy theory one step further, this plan clearly targets people who are capable of divergent thought — so they can be wrangled up and fed to Sarlacc. Think I’m crazy? Andrew E. Skodol, the man behind this nonsense, has disclosed “significant interests“, specifically “Stock or other financial options” in Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, and Eli Lilly. (You’d think that since he received his psychiatric training at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine he may have realized that Albert Einstein was an Introvert.)

4.) If you’re going to include Introverts, then include Homosexuals, Bodybuilders, Monks, Police Officers, and Celebrities — anyone with less-common social roles and lifestyles. If 70% of the population aren’t exactly like you, watch out!

5.) If Introversion is measured on a spectrum, why is there no entry for Extraversion? I could certainly write an equally colorful set of criteria (for a share of the profits, of course).

The fact that this is even open to debate, that it even made its way onto the ballot, that it is seriously being considered by experts (38,000 physician leaders in mental health?), is solid proof that Idiocracy is a documentary.


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8 Responses to “Pfizer: New Pill Cures Introverts”

  1. donjoe went to the beach and complained:

    “4.) If you’re going to include Introverts, then include Homosexuals, Bodybuilders, Monks, Police Officers, and Celebrities — anyone with less-common social roles and lifestyles. If 70% of the population aren’t exactly like you, watch out!”

    Bodybuilding, being a monk a police officer or a celebrity are all choices. If a homosexual finds his sexuality a cause for anxiety/trouble, shouldn’t he be able to change that part of him?

  2. Alex went to the beach and complained:

    So much for the meek shall inherit the earth. We’ve now arrived at the meek shall be medicated for their affliction.

  3. Ben Hartselle went to the beach and complained:

    I learned early on that introversion was not acceptable. While I wanted to permanently bury my nose in books, I had to construct a false personality (at about the age of seven) in order to gain acceptance in school, church, and eventually as a salesman and performing artist. I still use this fake personality daily. It is how I met girls, got gigs, made sales, and made friends. I did eventually find a “pill” that “cured” my introversion, permanently. It was LSD and psilocybin mushrooms. It also acts as a catalyst for the development of schizophrenic tendencies and suicidal/psychotic behavior. (As do many behavior altering pharmaceuticals, with none of the fun.) Should we prescribe LSD to children? I also find it strange that we would want to medicate a portion of humanity that tend to become things like engineers, physicists, chemists, prodigious creators, and virtuosos. (What Ivan Stang calls “emergent SubGenii” tend to be introverts.) We are on a trajectory to make the U.S.A. into a third world country.

  4. Mike M. went to the beach and complained:

    Really? REALLY?! I saw Idiocracy a few years ago, and it stunned me to realize that we were almost there. Do we already have President Camacho, telling us that we can water our crops with crappy sport drinks? I think one of the fundamental flaws in our society is that we do not value the artist as we should. We forget that the artist spends his time exploring all of the things we have no time for, or no understanding of, and presents it to us in a way we can grasp in an instant. Look no further than the stand up comic, who tells us the truth that we already know, but delivers the blow in such a pleasant way that we forgive him his transgression upon our comforts…and even laugh about it. That is art, and it takes a special kind of person to carry that out. Introverts are the kind of people with the patience and courage needed to bring that about, for they have spent a lifetime earning it with every blow to their validity that such a personality must deal with.

  5. James King went to the beach and complained:

    The artist and the arts have their places and functions. Unfortunately, many artists are not satisfied with what that place or function actually is. Likewise, an introvert should recognize the inherent limitations that come with being an introvert. Charging onto Omaha beach to win a war is one thing, but doing so by bringing non-violence litereature and trying to show it to the Nazis will probably not have reasonable results. Match your expectations to your limitations, and realize that those limitations are in the end self-imposed.

  6. Pablo castillo went to the beach and complained:

    Hello, as an introvert myself this drug would have the answers that are holding me back socially. People just do not understand how difficult it is being an introvert and what makes things worse is that there is only so much I can do to improve my introversion/social skills. What it comes down to is that even the most practice in any social/life situation will only slightly improve introversion, so I find myself very limited. It is something that I wouldn’t wish upon anybody, not that there is anything wrong with it; however, in the world we live in today introverts are pushed back by extroverts (and I’m not talking about the rare introverts like Bill Gates, Mark Zukleberg, Albert Einstein, or any other incredibly intelligent mind)

  7. Matth Jenks went to the beach and complained:

    Wow, it looks like James King took offense to your “Up the evolutionary ladder of work” post. :)

  8. Colleen went to the beach and complained:

    If there were ever a pill to “cure” introversion, I would be the first in line. While I personally don’t see it as an affliction, society does. It’s horrendously uncomfortable to be an introvert in a world where 80% of people seem to be extroverts. I feel like it causes me to miss out on fun events, getting to know people, making friends, and developing lasting relationships. I see how easy it is for extroverts to enjoy a basic social situation – while I just stand in terror, whishing I was somewhere else. The only “cure” I’ve ever found is Alcohol. No, I’m not a raging alcoholic, but I do drink socially to make the introversion more minimal. I think quicker on my feet and am able to carry on a conversation after a few drinks. If alcohol did not have ravaging effects on the body and brain cells, I would choose to be drunk all the time! But, alas, all I can do is hope that a doctor will come up with some sort of pill to make the introverted more social; and that the pill won’t have a barrage of damaging side effects.

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