How do you define friendship?

If you’re a creative-type working in Los Angeles, this can be tricky.

The problem is, everybody out here is after something. They gave up their family and friends and moved here for a reason.

That reason is, they wanna take one or more of these things from you:

1.) Inside information
2.) Career advice
3.) Ideas
4.) An introduction to someone else you know
5.) Credits / fame by association
6.) Gambling opportunities
7.) Favors / free help on their project
8.) Access to your gear / studio
9.) Sex
10.) And in its most pure form: Money.

The Ambition Addiction in this Imaginary City is out of control — it’s like a big ladder, on which everyone only wants to be “friends” with those on a higher rung.

If someone is smiling and talking to you, you’ve gotta ask yourself: why?

Because more often than not, if you don’t have any of those things to offer, you’re invisible.

Run through the above checklist. Do you still have any friends?

(Sure, you can be friends with someone you work with. Those are called Work Friends. And often the only thing you have in common is hating your boss.)

Maybe, if you really try… you can think of someone that calls you for no reason, stops by for the heck of it, and just enjoys being in the same room with you. Someone who celebrates your existence — not as a Chess-Piece or Industry Designation (Producer, Actor, Musician) — but as a Human.

If so, consider yourself lucky to have a friend, buddy bro pal.

Opeth’s Heritage is probably the only “mainstream” album that got my attention in all of 2011. It may seem I’m a little late in reviewing an album that came out last year — but I’m a believer in the timelessness of art (a.k.a the ability for it to be valid for more than four months), so here we go.

Understand that I don’t regularly listen to music aside from Classical KUSC. But Mike Olekshy suggested I give it a try. I’m surprised that I did, but he knows how old I am and how much I hate music, so why not?

The first thing I noticed about Heritage is what I noticed about other Opeth albums: The lack of posing. It was self-confident. It didn’t beg for validation, screaming, “please listen to me and like me.” It leaned back and took its time.

The songs had no aggressive ear-worms, and it was hard for me to predict where it was going next. It stimulated curiosity, in just the right way for me — at a time that I was tired of music being reduced to worn-out patterns.

Sure, on the surface, some of this music (especially The Devil’s Orchard) has a retro or “classic 60s / 70s rock” vibe to it, for its use of organ, fuzzy guitars, and ambient-mic’d drums. It brought back memories of King Crimson’s 21st Century Schizoid Man. That’s an easy comparison. And it wasn’t unintentional.

But forget all of that. Soon after discovering this album, I had an enlightening conversation with Henrik Linde, in which he made the funny observation that when a band writes long, dynamic songs with organ, it is instantly entombed in the label of classic or progressive rock. I can see the same has happened to a band like Spock’s Beard, another band I love.

A common complaint about this album is a “lack of growling.” Huh? Do you find it strange to judge a work of art by the number of growls contained in it? I do.

So it was easy for me to see past those clichés and hear that this was an album of substance. I listened to Heritage many times, saw the band perform it in concert, and even picked up my guitar to learn the opening riff of The Devil’s Orchard.

What I appreciate most about this album (and I mean it) is that is exploits all of the Elements of Music. For the purpose of this review, those are:

Melody
Harmony
Rhythm
Tempo
Dynamics
Timbre
Texture
Form

And what I mean is, all of those Elements were used in a way that grabbed my attention. “That was clever, how they did that.”

If you’re a fan of rock and looking for a way to expand your appreciation of music, listen to Heritage with the elements of music in mind. You might find a similar experience in the music of System of a Down, particularly their double album, Mezmerize / Hypnotize.

I give this album 5 Pentooplets.

I decided to write this little eBook during my 2011 Holiday Vacation. It was a “fun” little project that took me a few days to get together, send around to my friends, get their input.

As of right now, it’s only available on Amazon Kindle Publisher Select for only 99 Cents. It’s 2500 words long. It only takes 15 minutes to read.

Description:

Guitarists of all levels: this eBook is not for your fingers. It is for your mind.

It contains simple, yet counter-intuitive musical concepts that many professional guitarists fail to understand after playing for 15 years. But you can discover them here in only 15 minutes.

I offer you no sweep-picking exercises. No scales, no chords, and no “tricks.” I am leaving out all of the specific data and techniques that you would typically practice and commit to memory while taking guitar lessons. But I promise you that the most creative and accomplished guitarists in the world have mastered these high-level principles of musicianship.

At the time of writing this eBook, I have (intentionally or otherwise) studied the guitar as a tool of artistic expression for 24 years. My experience as an eccentric musician called Sir Millard Mulch took me as far as an invite-only audition with Steve Vai. But I never trained to be a musical soldier in someone else’s army, so I continued to make my own albums with guest musicians such as Virgil Donati, Marco Minnemann, Devin Townsend, and many other unique creative geniuses.

I have personally directed approximately 3,000 guitar instructional videos for GuitarTricks.com—regularly working with some of the most talented graduates and private instructors from Musicians Institute and Berklee College of Music.

However, if you’re like me—ready to break free of the limitations of a traditional guitar education—this short guide is for you. And to my knowledge, you cannot find this information compiled anywhere else.

I challenge you to question all of these ideas, and apply them to your guitar-playing at your own risk. Each idea will be accompanied by a musical example, which I encourage you to seek out and listen to (and I mean really listen to) on your own.

Buy It Now: http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Guitar-Only-Minutes-ebook/dp/B006RB2BY4

I recently published my first sci-fi short story, called Cuyahoga!

I’d like to share a perfect case of why it’s important to not take any criticism of your work too seriously — whether it’s “positive” or “negative.” Either way, if you base the value of your work on the tastes of others, you’ll definitely be going the wrong way.

This past week, I received two personal emails from creative colleagues — both with extreme responses to my sci-fi writing. I’ve left out their names, but both of them are highly intelligent and successful in their careers. After 20 years of putting stuff out there (since my first demo cassette tape in high school with a photocopied J-card), I’ve experienced it all — love letters, praise, offers for collaboration, insults, death threats, etc. At some point you have to step back and judge your work by your own standards, Howard Roark style.

REVIEW #1

GENIUS.

I read your story. I was stuck to it like glue, laughing out loud unexpectedly, shaking my head in amazement at how your brain works, equal parts envy and pride to be an early reader of this remarkable tale.

Thank you for this gift.

There were so many moments and turns of phrase and ways of thinking / seeing / experiencing in this work, I wanted to jot them down to echo them back to you as examples of some of my very favorites, but I was too engaged to scribble notes. Overall, the story built and enticed and kept me guessing and fretting – is he paranoid and crazy or is he the only one who sees? I like him so much, I don’t want him to be crazy, but if he’s not crazy, the alternative is so depressing. How will he get out of this? Will he ever be understood? And of course, why, why, why? the first and last question asked. Amazing. I was riveted.

One of my favorite chapters was when he sat and engaged with his mom. It felt almost like a new beginning and the poetics and quiet of that chapter took me by surprise, like a moment of sudden meditation while in line at the DMV. I shouldn’t say favorite because the entire narrative engaged me and thrilled me. There was a different energy that infused me with sadness in that chapter and it was beautiful.

Submit. This. To. McSweeny’s.

Keep writing. You have it. No doubt.

REVIEW #2

Carl,

I absolutely hate to write this and I’ve been holding off on it because I don’t know how to say it in kinder words, but I really just couldn’t make it through the first 30 pages of your book. I don’t like the writing style and it feels amateurish. It might not be my kind of book, either, but I felt that I needed to give you my honest criticism here. If you like, I can probably pull some specifics. I haven’t written a review or provided any feedback because I simply lost interest as I read through it.

I generally enjoy science fiction stories, but I don’t read any of the new stuff. I think the most recent sci-fi I’ve read is Michael Crichton’s Sphere. I only get around to reading a few fiction books per year, too.

Nevertheless, let me know if you’d like to discuss it further. I hope the book is successful for you, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to finishing it. I’m quite proud of you for finishing the project and putting so much time and effort into it. And I’m hoping that lots of other readers out there enjoy it immensely.

See? People don’t know what they’re talking about.

Here’s another extreme example:

1.) For nearly THREE YEARS, I’ve worked on a project called The Mysterious Octopus! It’s a Cartoon TV Show concept. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on it so far, and released two versions of it to the public. Very few people have noticed it. I think 17 people like it on Facebook.

2.) I wrote a blog entry called 10 Myths About Introverts. I crapped it out in an afternoon. Out of nowhere, it spread all over the world. It’s now been read by over 750,000 people. I get emails about it every day, telling me how it has changed lives. Therapists and counselors use it during their sessions. I’m still waiting for one of my therapists (yes, I have more than one) to suggest I read it.

It’s insane. So don’t pay attention to how people react (or if they react at all). Don’t second-guess yourself. Just follow your own path, invite others to come along, and make what you want to make. Art Because.

Here’s a video I directed and animated for GuitarTricks. I bought the skull at Target for $5.

Lance Myers has illustrated new characters for my animated TV show concept, The Mysterious Octopus! Check them out.

“Music about music” is a bad idea.

It reduces music to a zombie, kept alive by math.

This is what happens when musicians get so caught up in their techniques and and tools and music theory that they forget music is a symbolic art form. Music should mean something.

The counter-argument is, “Music is subjective and it can mean whatever you want it to mean.” A popular cop-out for musicians who haven’t learned how to create conceptually.

Here are some meanings that music can convey: Anger, beauty, confusion, disaster, power, humor, suspense, fear, adventure, pride, defeat, pain, loneliness, love.

Much more interesting than “five” or “fast.”

And harder to do!

For 3.5 years, I offered my entire discography for free download, through the (now gone) Dr. Zoltan website.

Here’s what I was thinking:

1.) I don’t care about my music career.
2.) It’s better for 1,000 people to hear my music for free than it is for 100 people to pay for it.
3.) Most of the great experiences in my life came from handing someone a CD or cassette for free.

Decided not to do it anymore.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the capitalist system of paying for music should be maintained, even in the absence of physical products.

Two simple reasons:

1.) $1 per song is a fair and acceptable system of exchanging value for value. It’s an absurdly low price to pay for a potentially-timeless piece of art.

2.) Free downloading devalues music. In the same way that Netflix devalues movies, and Facebook devalues friendship. The result is endless, superficial browsing rather than a wholesome experience.

I’ve never been a free downloader. I like to pay living artists for their work. When I buy music, I usually buy it on iTunes. It works well. And I’ve enjoyed getting a constant stream of payments from CDBaby over the years, for all those iTunes sales.

Spotify seems to be an OK system. I’ve gotten checks from it already. It’s nice that they keep track, rather than simply exploiting creative people.

I don’t expect the money from my digital sales and streams to ever be impressive, and it’s rarely noticeable. I stopped making “real money” from music in 2007. I just think paying an artist is the honest thing to do. So thank you to the few who have sent me donations over the years. And if you’re one of the people who has downloaded and enjoyed my music for free, PayPal me: mutantmall@mutantmall.com.

From now on, if you want my stuff, you can find out how to pay for it at http://www.carlkingdom.com/music

You can officially consider me an old man, and maybe even a luddite.

I’m not thrilled about this new technology that can supposedly turn your thoughts into video. (Of course, you’ll find out it doesn’t, if you read the article and not just the headline.)

Regardless, the problem is this: the majority of us are full-time spectators. We don’t need more things to watch on TV. Books and art weren’t good enough, because who wants to have to turn a page or walk to the next painting in the museum? And music wasn’t good enough, because who are we supposed to watch dancing while we’re listening to it?

So we’ve ended up with a culture that is addicted to automated visual stimulation. Reload, feed, AJAX, repost, stream, update, animate. Everything’s gotta wiggle. Thanks to computers, we’re losing not only our memory and attention span, but our capacity to imagine. To daydream. To have thoughts that are thoughts.

Aren’t dreams good enough — as they are? Do we really need to connect them to a computer, too?

We’ve achieved so little with what we were born with.

Some will make the TED-like claim that this changes everything. But it really doesn’t.

Like most technology, it will be used for generating more advertising revenue and bad entertainment.

So let’s first solve the problems that our greatest thinkers were addressing hundreds, even thousands of years ago. The problems that won’t go away until we discover a basic technology called self-control.

That would be a “historic experiment.”

Guitar Guru, Dale Turner, currently an instructor at Hollywood’s Musicians Institute and Guitar World magazine columnist, talks about his days as a guitar books/magazine transcriptionist, his lawless teenage efforts to Promote Vaiism, and his album Mannerisms Magnified — on which he played every instrument himself.

===

From his website:

The former West Coast Editor (1996-2007) of the now defunct Guitar One magazine, in addition to working as a performing/recording musician and producing engineer, Dale Turner is an instructor at Hollywood’s Musician’s Institute (where he teaches Jimi Hendrix-style rhythm guitar improvisation, music theory/ear training, sight-reading, and rhythmic independence for the singing guitarist), and author of 50+ instructional books/transcription folios (his latest being Power Plucking – A Rocker’s Guide to Acoustic Fingerstyle Guitar). He also writes a monthly acoustic guitar column for Guitar World magazine, and is featured in their Lick of the Day App. for iPhone/iPad.