Can you believe what they are BUILDING over there? Look at this!
{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you want to move over there, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Or maybe just launch an Air Strike in August. }
As of May 24, 2008, Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk is developing the first real, scientific equation to determine the total musicality of a given recorded piece. Each recorded work is measured in 25 different dimensions. The results can be shocking!
Here are the first 21 results based on the prototype model, with corresponding values:
Anti-Social (Anthrax) – 784
Bombtrack (Rage Against The Machine) – 841
Boys & Girls (Good Charlotte) – 1024
Of Wolf And Man (Metallica) – 1156
The Widow (Mars Volta) – 1225
Sk8r Boi (Avril Lavigne) – 1225
Totally Stupid (Andrew WK) – 1296
This Kiss (Faith Hill) – 1444
Words (Missing Persons) – 1521
Lateralus (Tool) – 1681
Electric Uncle Sam (Primus) – 1681
Certifiable #1 Smash (Kevin Gilbert) – 2025
Jackie Chan Is A Punk Rocker (Heavy Vegetable) – 2304
Flash Gordon Theme (Queen) – 2304
Empire (Queensryche) – 2500
Exo-Spatial Psionic Aura (Behold… The Arctopus) – 3481
Alien Hip-Hop (Planet X) – 3600
Beneath The Mask (Chick Corea Elektric Band) – 3600
Natural Science (Rush / Devin Townsend) – 3844
Woke Up Dreaming You (Marco Minnemann) – 3844
Bangkok / Fire Garden Suite (Steve Vai) – 5625
This equation is, for now, top-secret. The one detail that can be released at this time… is that a score of 2500 qualifies a musical piece as “completely mediocre in every possible way,” based on all of the available musical elements, techniques, and tools on earth.
-Dr. Zoltan!
{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you started to believe that the internet has destroyed the musical underground, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Or just buy your girlfriend a trampoline. }
This human obviously misses the point of living in Los Angeles. Should not he be coming up with ways to make lots of money? Perhaps some unique method of meme distribution? He will never achieve Perpetual Rock Star Career Motion if he keeps talking about these sorts of introspective subjects. He should be focusing on getting new headshots and auditioning for commercials…
{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you catch yourself getting excited about ideas after reading it, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Thinking about smart-people things is useless unless someone is paying you for it. }
