New Marco Minnemann CD is HERE!

EEPS Cover

I declare: Marco is the strangest of the virtuoso drummers — a studied master of percussion on every level, yet he’s not afraid to record and orchestrate whatever weird sound he wants — and this is his latest CD for 2014! (It’s called “EEPS” for some reason.)

The first 10 orders through my shop will also receive a free Autographed Marco Minnemann Glow-In-The-Dark Flying Saucer.

Listen To A Song And Order The CD Now!

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Levin Minnemann Rudess (Video Review)

Order the CD here:

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I Took A Guitar Lesson From Dale Turner

Dale Turner

I don’t remember the last time I officially took a guitar lesson. (I won’t count Steve Vai, trying to teach me how to play Freak Show Excess while his band watched me flop-sweat in a rehearsal studio in 2007).

Back in college, I did very well in formal music theory courses (written and aural), and I’ve always had “nimble fingers” — but in all the years I considered myself a musician, I never bothered to learn the names of the notes on the fretboard!

Please. Don’t smack yourself in the forehead so hard.

My reasoning: I had no intention of playing someone else’s music, and playing my own music didn’t require it. (My life is full of these sorts of rationalizations, by the way.) Thanks to the zillions of power-chord notations I read in Guitar World growing up, I did fine on the Low E and A (the James Hetfield strings) but anything beyond that, I’m lost.

I decided that it was time for me to fill in the gaps in my knowledge and seek out a professional: Dale Turner.

Dale is an instructor at Musicians Institute in Hollywood and columnist for Guitar World. So it should not be surprising that he was able to instantly diagnose my problem (stupidity) and set me up with a sequence of mental exercises to get over it. I’m at least intelligent enough to know that memorizing 72 different notes / locations would be a lot easier with a system — and Dale automatically provided that. After explaining the rules of various note-learning games, he demonstrated how that information can be put to use by playing some blues and jazz examples. I don’t really like blues or jazz, but it was shocking how fast he was able to jump around the entire neck in inversions, arpeggios, and voice-leading — while calling out all of the note names — and it sounded like MUSIC, not exercises.

Anyway, if you’re in the L.A. area I highly recommend him for private lessons. I’m hoping I can make my visits to his learning studio a regular thing.

And please check out his first solo CD, Mannerisms Magnified, on which he played ALL of the instruments. You can buy it in my shop.

P.S. his hair is not that long anymore! Also, he is in the process of recording a new album. I heard some of it, and it’s crazy!

His website: Intimate Audio.

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Robotussin Buzz: 7-Foot Stool

Robotussin Buzz

My good friend Zeke Piestrup (Apocalypse Later: Harold Camping vs. The End of the World, Eman Laerton: You Have Bad Taste In Music) used to be in a funk-metal band. Twenty years ago! I convinced him to let me release it to the public, for the first time Since 1994. Give this rarity a listen, then buy the digital download in my shop.


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Mike Keneally: Sluggo! (2013 Re-Release)

Mike Keneally: Sluggo

I just got a box of Mike Keneally’s Sluggo! in the mail.

Here’s my initial commentary: Unbelievable. I don’t know what he’s doing with those chords. I loved his piano playing on Vai Piano Reductions Vol. 1, but Sluggo has that same touch applied to a whole band. (Bryan Beller sounds wonderful on this as always). Mr. Keneally has a charming voice and the arrangements are complex. I’m somehow surprised to see that Toss Panos is on this record — he drummed with both Steve Vai and Kevin Gilbert (this album was probably being written at the time Kevin passed away, and there’s even a dedication in the sleeve to him). I’m skipping all over this CD, from track to track, in excitement. Joe Travers is on this, too, of course.

Thinking about what I was doing in 1997. Not discovering this recording, somehow!

Anyway, I’ve added it to my shop. So go get one! Use the discount code “sluggo” to get 10% off all orders (including this item). Expires Saturday, January 4.


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Morgan Ågren’s Conundrum: A Percussive Misadventure – Now on DVD & Streaming

Hi. Morgan Ågren’s Conundrum: A Percussive Misadventure is now available on DVD at and Vimeo On Demand.

Thank you to all Kickstarter supporters who made this 2-hour film possible.




Frank Zappa. Devin Townsend. Fredrik Thordendal of Meshuggah. What do these men who re-invented rock music have in common? They all selected Morgan as their drummer. Yet his “intentionally broken” and complex drumming makes most musicians plug their ears, go home and practice, or just quit. Praised only by the enlightened few, this 45-year-old husband and humble father remains unknown to popular music listeners. But why? Watch this 2-hour documentary as Morgan visits L.A. in search of an answer to his continuing conundrum: ”The Music or The Money?”

With Special Guests: Mats Oberg, Devin Townsend, Marco Minnemann, Mike Keneally, Dweezil Zappa, Tosin Abasi, Thomas Lang, Danny Carey, Brendon Small, Dave Elitch, Simon Phillips, Joe Travers, Raanen Bozzio, Daedelus, and others!

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New eBook: Beyond Guitar (In Only 15 Minutes)

I decided to write this little eBook during my 2011 Holiday Vacation. It was a “fun” little project that took me a few days to get together, send around to my friends, get their input.

As of right now, it’s only available on Amazon Kindle Publisher Select for only 99 Cents. It’s 2500 words long. It only takes 15 minutes to read.


Guitarists of all levels: this eBook is not for your fingers. It is for your mind.

It contains simple, yet counter-intuitive musical concepts that many professional guitarists fail to understand after playing for 15 years. But you can discover them here in only 15 minutes.

I offer you no sweep-picking exercises. No scales, no chords, and no “tricks.” I am leaving out all of the specific data and techniques that you would typically practice and commit to memory while taking guitar lessons. But I promise you that the most creative and accomplished guitarists in the world have mastered these high-level principles of musicianship.

At the time of writing this eBook, I have (intentionally or otherwise) studied the guitar as a tool of artistic expression for 24 years. My experience as an eccentric musician called Sir Millard Mulch took me as far as an invite-only audition with Steve Vai. But I never trained to be a musical soldier in someone else’s army, so I continued to make my own albums with guest musicians such as Virgil Donati, Marco Minnemann, Devin Townsend, and many other unique creative geniuses.

I have personally directed approximately 3,000 guitar instructional videos for—regularly working with some of the most talented graduates and private instructors from Musicians Institute and Berklee College of Music.

However, if you’re like me—ready to break free of the limitations of a traditional guitar education—this short guide is for you. And to my knowledge, you cannot find this information compiled anywhere else.

I challenge you to question all of these ideas, and apply them to your guitar-playing at your own risk. Each idea will be accompanied by a musical example, which I encourage you to seek out and listen to (and I mean really listen to) on your own.

Buy It Now:

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Play On The Sir Millard Mulch 30th Anniversary Tribute!

Ever heard of a song called, “The Boy With The Perfectly Square Butthole” by Sir Millard Mulch?

Probably not. It’s not available anywhere.

Ever PLAYED on “The Boy With The Perfectly Square Butthole?”

Here’s your chance!

The song was originally recorded 30 YEARS AGO TODAY on September 12, 1997.It was printed on a 100-run of cassettes and later, an out-of-print CD called “50 Intellectually Stimulating Themes From A Cheap Amusement Park For Robots & Aliens, Vol. 1.”

It’s a song about alienation, naivety, and the pride that can only come from two parallel lines and another pair of parallel lines placed perpendicular to those, between two buttocks. (It’s kind of Masonic.)

Here’s what to do:

1.) Download the guide track:
2.) Play along with it. On any instrument. Or vocals. Or any kind of noise you can make.
3.) Email your tracks or a link to your tracks (with the guide removed) to:


• You must follow the original form, tempo, and lyrics of the song.
• That means someone is going to have to sing it. Scary, huh? Male, female, we don’t care.
• You can add fills, weird beats, displacements, metric modulations, harmonies, etc. Do whatever you want. You can program it, play it, just make it good. Finally.
• Any recording quality is accepted.
• You know that part where the drums and bass get all weird with pointillism? Do a solo there. Or play something steady so someone else can solo. Go crazy, or don’t.
• If you can figure out how to be creative while still meshing with unknown tracks, you will probably win. You can submit as many tracks and instruments as you’d like.
• It’s not a bad song, but it can be better. So make it better. Surprise us.

This contest is open to anyone, unless Carl King doesn’t like you.

In TWO WEEKS from today (9/26/11), the best tracks will be cleaned up and mixed together by Carl King and released as a commemorative download. The song was written in one evening, so don’t whine. Winners will have their name / band promoted and receive a very special T-shirt.

It will be official. You can say you worked with Sir Millard Mulch. You can put it in parenthesis after your name, like this:

Your Name (Sir Millard Mulch, Some Other Boring Band, Some Stupid Girl With Rich Parents)

EXCITING BONUS QUESTION: What if not enough people participate?
ANSWER: Carl King will hire a well-known musician to play the remaining parts. Who could it be?

Good luck!

Carl Kingdom / The Marketing Department

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Dr. Zoltan In 2600 (The Hacker Quarterly)

If you walk into any Barnes & Noble or Borders, you should be able to locate a magazine in the Computers section called 2600 (The Hacker Quarterly)

Earlier this year, Dr. Zoltan wrote an article called “Hacking Music” and it has been published in the Autumn issue:

Dr. Zoltan could scan and upload the article, but he would not want to ruin the magical experience of reading the printed magazine in your local bookstore. 

It is an honor to be in print for the first time in nearly 3 years.

Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk
Hollywood’s Most Innovative Entertainer Since Carrot Top>

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Dr. Zoltan & Will Maier Release Song About 9/11

What better way to celebrate seven years of confusion than with a campfire sing-a-long? Dr. Zoltan & Will have released a song called Freefall (Catchy Folk Tune To Celebrate The End of the Republic). You can download the song for FREE if you fill out this contact form:

Will Maier - Vocals
Dr. Zoltan - Acoustic & Electric Guitar, Keyboard, Bass, Drumkit From Hell

Cover art by CarlKingCreative

Dr. Zoltan’s take on this is very simple. He is not a conspiracy theorist, he just does not believe the official story of what happened on 9/11. He does not know what sort of dark force is responsible for making the buildings fall down, but here are his thoughts on some peripheral (yet central) issues.

The White House and CNN gave oversimplified explanations for the disaster and used them to justify an endless war. The American public cynically disregards their own powers of research and observation, handing over too much power and responsibility to their government and the media. There are many unanswered questions about 9/11 and the official stories are as confusing as the nutty ideas put forth by paranoid amateur filmmakers. More time and energy is spent on horrible tabloid stories like Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears than investigating a real crime. 

Instead of helping us make sense of it all, corporations and the government are feeding the stupidity of the masses, perpetuating consumerism and instilling a deep fear of objectivity. Team-oriented politics and conformist cult branding, fueled by religious dogma, racism, and fear, are substituted for the importance of… IDEAS. 

The War On Terror is a press release right out of George Orwell’s 1984. Terrorism is asymmetrical by nature. It cannot be fought with a “War.” Its sole purpose is to cause a government to implode on itself by bloating its military and restricting the freedoms of its citizens — warrant-less tapping of communications, detaining of random suspects, expanded executive powers, et cetera. Through this, a handful of chaotic individuals can cripple a country of hundreds of millions. In a police state everything grinds to a halt in the name of protecting the homeland from the boogeyman. Benjamin Franklin said it best: “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

The truth is that “fun” products like cigarettes, alcoholic beverages, and junk / fast food kill more humans than terrorist attacks ever could. But in a world of billions of crazy humans with their hands on deadly technology, occasionally bad things will happen — on purpose. REALLY bad things. Humans can do their best to stop these things, but what they need is the strength and freedom to sustain damage and go on living. 

You’re better off hiding with some weapons in a hole
When a corporate fascist state has taken control
But instead you’re dancing, drinking, and you’re having lots of fun
While the end of the United States has already begun

Brother, Look no further, there’s no other proof you need
Buildings can’t collapse at freefall speed

You can expect to see another pseudo-terrorist attack
When the best you’ve got are posing fakes like Tom and Zach
Hiding from the truth behind their blurry poetry
While the crime scene is buried at the bottom of the sea

It’s gonna come to civil war sooner or later
Protesting won’t stop an evil dictator
Don’t try to vote him out, there’s nothing you can say
The tyrant that’s in office isn’t going away

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