Funny (Not Funny) Search Phrases: How People Find My Site

If you’ve never had a website or used Google Analytics, check this out. It gives you a record of all the phrases people search for and end up at your site. Scrolling down the list usually results in some fun discoveries. Have a look at these latest entries. Kinda scary. “What happens to failed musicians?” is a good one, and quite accurate in describing me. Although it’s not as good as “passing out while urinating” which used to be a popular phrase to find the Sir Millard Mulch website.


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it never ends…

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Premiere Pro + AVCHD Users: BEWARE!

If you’ve recently made the switch to Adobe Premiere Pro and are using AVCHD, here’s something that can save you a lot of frustration.

1.) Some AVCHD Cameras (in my case, for a current project, a Canon HF-G10) record in a mode called PSF, or Progressive Segmented Frame. It’s very much like Interlaced, except the fields don’t dance back and forth. Instead, they’re displayed simultaneously — but they’re still split, from what I understand. So they record a Progressive video INSIDE what is actually an Interlaced wrapper. Even if the camera says 30P or 30PF in your menu settings, you should check this out:
2.) Some editing software isn’t always able to figure that out. Adobe Premiere is one of them. It might only see the Interlaced wrapper, and it will try to De-Interlace the Progressive Footage (!), making it look Aliased / Jagged. (Note: I used Final Cut Pro 7 for years, and never had this issue.)
3.) The solution is this… first, make sure your Sequence settings are Progressive. Then right click on every MTS / AVCHD footage file in the Project Window and Modify > Interpret Footage > Progressive. You’re forcing it to recognize it correctly.

That’s it! No more aliasing!

Special thanks to ComputerNovice25, Jim Simon, and Stephen_Spider for their help on the Adobe Forums.

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Justin Bieber Is A Shit Bomb That Exploded In The Air And Splashed On Everyone

Thank you, field correspondent Augustus Larch. And now, for a very important and personal message about the reader’s creative career:

I know. You finish a creative project… then it’s the obligatory hurricane of WordPress Blogs and Facebook Pages and Domains and YouTube clips and Tweets and Tumblr accounts and Advertisements Pretending To Be Informative Articles and Apps and Mailing Lists and automatically Feeding this to that and PLEASE TELL EVERYONE TO CLICK ON MY LINK AND REPOST EVERYWHERE and then POOF! you’re gone again.

I’ve watched this happen over and over — not only because I’ve been paid to do it, but also because I’ve done it for my own projects a zillion times. All of this spamming and self-marketing doesn’t work.

It’s because people are interested in other people.

It’s a primal thing. We pay attention to things that are alive. Things that move and change, grow over time, have flaws. Authentic things we can interact with.

Look at Kevin Smith. He doesn’t disappear for two years when he doesn’t have something to sell you. The guy never stops. His entire life is his creative career. Even if it’s just him and his friends farting into a microphone, he’s generating content. He can’t help it. If he’s talking, he’s making stuff that people will pay attention to. And it has absolutely nothing to do with whatever movie he’s making at the time. It’s just that sense of, “I wanna hang out with that guy. He’s cool!”

When I go to an event like NAMM, it’s not hard to spot the posers. They’re the ones who still pretend to be that one product they made twenty years ago. You can see them TRYING to be boring. Avoiding doing anything in The Now. Terrified that anyone will see through their rock star Halloween costume.

(And then there are the copycat posers who wish they were the real posers. Wearing sunglasses indoors, paying a company to build a single custom guitar for them and calling it their Signature Series, hiring a friend to pretend to be their guitar tech. Hmm!)

When you meet the real deal, like David Hayter, it’s obvious why he got the job. I’ve also watched probably 20 of Augustus Larch’s YouTube videos, because I think he’s dangerous and funny — and what an impressive voiceover actor that guy could be, if he didn’t live in an attic the middle of nowhere.

Too often, the process of encapsulating oneself in an inanimate object is a process of sterilization. That doesn’t make strong art, it just makes more dead things on a broken hard drive in a landfill.

In an era when we pretend not to have bodies, hide behind weird screen names, and can’t get an actual human on the phone (“we’re sorry, that is not a valid option, goodbye”), the most valuable thing is organic experience. Media is a way to connect, not to disconnect.

My advice: You, yourself, have to be more interesting than the products you honk about.

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UFOs Land As World Watches “Reality” TV

What does it say about the human race, that its most important discoveries are ignored? If a brave group of ex-military personnel gathered and offered testimony and evidence regarding UFOs and Extra Terrestrials, shouldn’t that be… important? To everyone on the planet? Especially if they’ve now done this THREE TIMES IN THE LAST DECADE at the U.S. Press Club in Washington, DC?

1 BILLION HUMANS would rather watch cheaply made, highly-profitable, scripted television shows full of product placement — that somehow successfully pretend to be reality than pay attention to an important topic such as UFO Disclosure.

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New, Taller 16:12 Aspect Ratio In Development

John 16:12 “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.”

Dr. Zoltan, creator of the failed syndicated radio show, “Why Are You Asking Me?” has announced that he is developing a new, taller, better video aspect ratio known as 16:12.

“It is better because it is taller than 16:9,” said Dr. Øbelisk, from his top-secret laboratory that orbits the moon.

It is a revolutionary change that will mean more storytelling power for blockbuster directors. Filmmaker Peter Jackson has already planned to shoot both of his upcoming Hobbit feature films using specially-modified prototype cameras, allowing more breathtaking views of epic landscapes and mythical battles.

Some skeptics point out that this discovery will require overhauling every movie theater in the world, raising not only their roofs but ticket prices.

Jeff Blake, President of Sony Pictures, in an interview at USC Film School last week, remarked: “Moviegoers are not ready for movies that are taller. Hell, we only made them wider a few years ago. Why confuse everyone?” However, both Regal and AMC chains are already planning to modify up to 90% of their movie screens by 2011 to accommodate this newly discovered technology.

George Lucas has reportedly pre-ordered a dozen upgraded cameras for Industrial Light & Magic. “Imagine how the original Star Wars Trilogy would look in this new, expanded aspect ratio. Wow.”

For more information on 16:12, visit Dr. Zoltan’s website.

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Whitley Strieber’s New Audio Feature: "Night Thoughts"

Whitley Strieber discusses:

“There is a concept connected with these [symbols], which is: this is self-activating software. The shapes themselves, when imprinted on the right materials, change those materials. The crop circles are being imprinted in two different places. On the earth itself. And IN OUR MINDS.”

Listen to Night Thoughts.

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Space Itself Was Created In The Big Bang

According to Janna Levin, a professor of physics and astronomy at Barnard College of Columbia University: “The Big Bang is often misunderstood as an explosion in Space, as though Time and Space existed. But Space itself is created in the Big Bang.”

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Study: Colored Beams Of Energy From Your Hands Can Heal You

Professor and NIH director Joie P. Jones (University of California, Irvine) has released a stunning video proving that colored beams of energy from your hands can indeed heal you. Known as, “Pranic Healing,” this discovery (which the Chinese have been practicing for thousands of years) may change the way that the world perceives and practices medicine forever. If we are able to master this art, we will no longer need to visit a doctor’s office full of advertisements for mass-produced, toxic chemicals — all of the healing powers will be present within our very hands, with no exponential, self-perpetuating side-effects. Is Western Medicine actually the pseudo-science holding us hostage? Find out for yourself!

Visit The Society for Scientific Exploration for more information on this incredible discovery!

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Flight of the Bumblebee, 320 BPM

Tiago Della Vega recently won the Fastest Guitarist in the Universe Contest. No amount of Peacock Terms can explain how fast this is. Watch the video in its entirety to find out.

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you have difficulty living in the 80’s, visit Feed them bananas and rice. }

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Llyn Foulkes Plays "The Machine"

Los Angeles resident, Llyn Foulkes has built a one-man contraption he simply calls, “The Machine.” Find out more about Llyn in the documentary called, The Lost Frontier. Directed by Tamar Halpern, who recently debuted another documentary, Your Name Here, about two 15-year-olds starting a band in Silverlake.

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you think art can be a genuine expression of ideas, visit Or just listen to KROQ, which is 100% advertising. }

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