Evidence of Extra-Terrestrials To Be Shown Tomorrow

A video that purportedly shows a living, breathing space alien will be shown to the news media Friday in Denver.

Jeff Peckman, who is pushing a ballot initiative to create an extraterrestrial affairs commission in Denver to prepare the city for close encounters of the alien kind, said the video is authentic and convinced him that aliens exist.

“As impressive as it is, it’s still one tiny portion in the context of a vast amount of peripheral evidence,” he said Wednesday. “It’s really the final visual confirmation of what you already know to be true having seen all the other evidence.”

From: Rocky Mountain News

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The War On Fun’s First Family

Reports of cultural adoption of the War on Fun continue to trickle in, with WoF correspondent Hrvst Troggold reporting from the field:

It is their wish to be called of the first, for family to sell all their fun. The Essppo family of Sponnatra, Estonia, admonishes carefree splashings of local tropical bear club. It is forbidden to participate the fun, here! After, Essppo family invite chastened bears to meal of potato and rice, but was offer declined?

(photo by Rosalie Petralia)

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Fascinating Search Phrase Results

During the month of May, humans typed the following phrases into a search engine and discovered Dr. Zoltan:

1.) hungry blob
2.) advice for girls who want to strip

And my personal favorite:

3.) polite way of saying you don’t want to go to the social gathering

-Dr. Zoltan!

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Dr. Zoltan "Emily Dickinson EP" Review by Zoog E. 71135


L7T + /= [J 

Translation; Report. Dr Zoltan escapes from imaginary city Name: Obelisk, Zoltan Title: Dr Subject; Synopsis of audio art work ‘Emily Dickinson Kindly Stops For Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors’ This 14.46 minute piece of audio stimulation utilises components of; • Early 20th Century (Earth Space Time) composers • Earth’s more intellectually and technically advanced rock musicians and computer music programmers  • Under lying traits of attitudes and feelings that are symptomatic of, yet integral to the Human Experience. The human experience in question is that of Dr. Zoltan’s host (E.S.T. no US1975/000367376 Carl King) 
It is obvious that Dr Zoltan now feels comfortable with his host‘s creative development to coexist productively towards the evolutionary step required in the advancement of the aural capabilities of the human race. Although compositional techniques and themes from the hosts previous creative incarnations (Sir Milliard Mulch) are prevalent in the work, Zoltan has been instrumental in developing these pre-existing aspects to the next logical level – beyond the capabilities of the average humanoid musician. As expected we are presented with; • Cross/poly rhythmic prime number geometric time divisions and precision virtuoso style drum performance leading to humorous and rhythmically disorienting passages, yet avoiding the predictable staleness of many of Zoltan’ s math rock contemporaries. • Modulating major/modal harmonies and melodies creating quirky, cute instrumental passages with the synthetic keyboard timbre. Such passages are directly preceded by the dense timbre of aggressive down tuned electric guitar and bass unisons creating elements of surprise, humor and tension; On initial launch of the work we are presented with Gnomon – He Who Discerns And Reveals, Movement DCCLXXVII. The melody starts in the C Mixolydian mode with the alternating rhythmic phrases of 11/8 10/8 5/8 then a modulation to B flat Mixolydian over a bar of 3/8, then the same melody -intervallically modulated – with the same repeated rhythmic phrases. The combination of the staggered compound rhythmic feel, happy modal tonality and keyboard synth sound may induce the human imagination to visualise a comic character from the Collective Depositary of Archetypes, possibly Pee Wee Herman. When the composition takes a dark twist with the electric guitar’s disorienting rhythmic patterns of the G Phrygian Dominant mode, the human may envisage the said character as being attacked by a creature of the 23rd or 24th dimension. Such musical dramatics may attract followers of Earth’s progressive artists such as Mr Bungle, Frank Zappa or Dream Theatre. In addition to the self modeled archetypes of the host’s previous work we see new elements owed to the arrival of Dr. Zoltan. • Richer orchestrations and the addition of orchestral colour. • He has created an effective, subtle, organic and aesthetically pleasing juxtaposition between new orchestral instrumentation against the colour and texture of the pre-existing signature sound; Escape From The Imaginary City uses a 7/4 time, low tuned C Lydian guitar and bass ostinato played over a highly technical poly rhythmic drum improvisation performed by humanoid Pat McDonald. The dense texture and sporadic rhythmic unison of the rhythm section is complimented by orchestral colours of symphonic strings and grandiose choir chants, aswell as the arpeggiation of the C ////////Cmaj7//////// Csus2//////// Dsus2////D//// chords in cycles of 8/4 over the top. These devices create a sense of epic excitement that maythrill the more intelligent humanoid. Such a sonic concoction would surely interest the followers of Lalle Larson’s ‘Seven Deadly Pieces for Orchestra and Thrash Band’, followers of Devin Townsend’s ‘Infinity’ or indeed followers of Ziltoid the Omniscient. Dr. Zoltan has also attempted to compose a theme tune for a day time TV chat show of the 11th dimension entitled The Old World Monkey’s And Their Woeful Masters. The composition is an example of Zoltan’s sensitivity to composition using soft and subtle texture, however we expect this to go over the heads of some of his followers and prospective audience. Greater attention is paid to the unique sounds of the electric guitar instrument being played in a virtuosic manor (without the compromise of compositional integrity). Gnomon – He Who Discerns And Reveals, Movement DCCLXXVII contains a very virtuosic guitar solo by humanoid Jason Willson, he incorporates a modal fusion style solo utilising the sweep picking and legato/tap/slide techniques. These techniques are directed and used in a creative way with a subtle brass and snare role orchestration accompaniment. This is a deeper exploration of the guitar solo with close attention paid to the context in which is presented, it is superior to that of the recent emergence of the shallow simulations of the guitar solo by modern heavy metal bands. Such depth of creativity is highly reminiscent and appealing to the followers of Master Steve Vai.  It must be noted that many of Zoltan’s artistic traits are realised in the space-time dimension due to his well-crafted diplomacy, he has enrolled the talents of humans whose input has been integral to the quality in this audio art product. This is not to diminish Zoltan’s importance as the creative director of the composition and performances, the over-all credit is due to his creation of the habitat in which the humans express themselves.  One asks the question; is the creative direction of humanoid musicians, along with the reworking of an old Sir Millard Mulch composition – The Boy With The Perfectly Square Butthole Strikes Back (entitled Albums To Slay And Corporations To Conquer) in the style of a guitar instrumental – in preparation for an up and coming G3 tour? Will there be a possible a support slot with Steve Vai or Devin Townsend? Is Dr Zoltan preparing a live music band for marketing his product to new prospective mutant consumers? Probably not, but one can only hope. The album title and cover art depiction of an attractive young female human offering a tray of serotonin based products known as chocolates, is an accurate metaphor of  what is on offer from the “bite-sized” audio data in this work. Zoltan’s short and sweet compositions are crammed full of audio stimulation whilst maintaining an organic feel, possibly due less arbitrary repetition of sections as we have heard in previous incarnations. Consuming such a product may result in a delight comparable to serotonin intake for any humanoid or other sentient life form. It is a product for those fortunate enough to have the necessary neural receptors to receive entertainment from such music. Zoltan is on task with his mission and will shortly be seen as a true peer of his host’s heroes. Zoog E. 71135 out.
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Dr. Zoltan’s New "True Musicality Measurement Equation"

As of May 24, 2008, Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk is developing the first real, scientific equation to determine the total musicality of a given recorded piece. Each recorded work is measured in 25 different dimensions. The results can be shocking!

Here are the first 21 results based on the prototype model, with corresponding values: 

Anti-Social (Anthrax) – 784 
Bombtrack (Rage Against The Machine) – 841 
Boys & Girls (Good Charlotte) – 1024 
Of Wolf And Man (Metallica) – 1156 
The Widow (Mars Volta) – 1225 
Sk8r Boi (Avril Lavigne) – 1225 
Totally Stupid (Andrew WK) – 1296 
This Kiss (Faith Hill) – 1444 
Words (Missing Persons) – 1521 
Lateralus (Tool) – 1681 
Electric Uncle Sam (Primus) – 1681 
Certifiable #1 Smash (Kevin Gilbert) – 2025 
Jackie Chan Is A Punk Rocker (Heavy Vegetable) – 2304 
Flash Gordon Theme (Queen) – 2304 
Empire (Queensryche) – 2500 
Exo-Spatial Psionic Aura (Behold… The Arctopus) – 3481 
Alien Hip-Hop (Planet X) – 3600 
Beneath The Mask (Chick Corea Elektric Band) – 3600 
Natural Science (Rush / Devin Townsend) – 3844 
Woke Up Dreaming You (Marco Minnemann) – 3844 
Bangkok / Fire Garden Suite (Steve Vai) – 5625 

This equation is, for now, top-secret. The one detail that can be released at this time… is that a score of 2500 qualifies a musical piece as “completely mediocre in every possible way,” based on all of the available musical elements, techniques, and tools on earth.

-Dr. Zoltan! 

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you started to believe that the internet has destroyed the musical underground, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Or just buy your girlfriend a trampoline. }

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3rd Dr. Zoltan "Emily Dickinson EP" Review


Epistle to the people of the Consumer Sect of the Celestialnet concerning the New EP created by Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk entitled “Emily Dickinson Kindly Stops for Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors.”

This one is written by the Prophet Matthew James. It is the best review so far… and in Black & White!

Read all of it HERE.

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Marilyn Manson (Clown) and Danny Elfman (Genius)

According to this video, something went terribly wrong and Marilyn Manson ended up in the same camera shot as Danny Elfman. To make matters worse, Marilyn Manson then RE-SANG Danny Elfman’s songs, which was totally unnecessary and incorrect. What a disaster!

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you wanted to quit playing music after reading it, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. If you want to join the circus, hang out with clowns. }

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Author, Colin Wilson, Gets Excited About Ideas For No Reason

This human obviously misses the point of living in Los Angeles. Should not he be coming up with ways to make lots of money? Perhaps some unique method of meme distribution? He will never achieve Perpetual Rock Star Career Motion if he keeps talking about these sorts of introspective subjects. He should be focusing on getting new headshots and auditioning for commercials…

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you catch yourself getting excited about ideas after reading it, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Thinking about smart-people things is useless unless someone is paying you for it. }

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Welcome To North Korea!

In this fifty-three minute documentary, Peter Tetteroo and Raymond Feddema give a guided tour of one of EPCOT’s most orderly cultures. No traffic problems!

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If tree bark and lawn clippings taste strange after reading it, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. What is that swimming around in your eyeball? }

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Quote: Bob Lefsetz on Talent

“Do people hear your music once and become fans, or do you have to pester them, foist demos upon them, beg them to be your MySpace friend?”

-Bob Lefsetz

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